Questions such as who've we got on my birthday, when's the derby and so on and so forth. Well, if you want to see the full list, then it's available on this very website (gratuitous plug department!), where you can check for yourself. But in the meantime lets have a quick run through the highlights (he said in his best Alan Freeman impression!).
Last season ended with an away trip to Chelsea, and next season started off with an away trip to... yup you guessed it, Chelsea. Nice to have a bit of variety in life I always say. At least they won't have Zola to call upon this season, so that gives us something of a chance against 'em! The first game against them from across the park is at the ground that time forgot. Fantastic isn't it. Four games into the season, and we visit a ground that wouldn't look out of place in the Vauxhall Conference, and a team that ain't much better either!
Meanwhile an ex-Blue in the shape of one Gary "not as good as Ian Rush nosireebob" Lineker, brings his crisp-munchers to the Premiership, and with a bit of luck takes 'em straight back down again! In other words, the Foxes are the first newly-promoted team we face next season. The are rapidly followed by a now Seaman-less Arsenal, which is strange, as I've always thought that Cockney's lacked spunk.
£90m in debt, their best players gone, AND managed by Peter Reid. Just how much worse can it get for Leeds? Hopefully much worse when they come to Anfield on October 25th!
Apparently some team called Manchester United play at Anfield on November 8th. They must be newly-promoted, because I've never heard of 'em before. Although there has been something on the news about them selling a player called Diddy Berkham or something. He can't be much good or the media would have mentioned something about it.
If anyone wants to buy me a birthday present (subtle hint dept), then a ticket to St James' Park would go down a treat. Sure the fixture list says the 6th, but will anyone bet against Sky moving it to the big day itself on the 8th? A Monday night in Newcastle on your birthday. What could be better? Apart of course from a night of drunken debauchery, and a night of wild sex involving... (the rest of this sentence is deleted, following advice from our legal dept)
Wolves away, the 20th of December. Anyone who was at Molyneux in '76, to see us pick up the title, and send Wolves down at the same time? Can send for their Sanatogen , Viagra & zimmer frame to http://www.arlarse.com.
Now what Godforsaken trek have we got on Boxing Day, friends? Portsmouth Away perhaps? Surely a trip to Southampton? Well actually it's Bolton, at home. 'Scuse me a minute (wee! Crump!). Sorry, just fainted from the shock of being at home on Boxing Day!
It's a good job that we haven't got a home game for a couple of weeks after we play them from across the park on Jan 31st. Lets face it, it'll take ages to fumigate the Anny Road clean of the smell after they've been!
February and March could be our dodgy months next season. We always seem to slip up against the Premiership's lesser lights. And you don't get much lesser then the seven teams we're facing those months!
Do you think that the Damian Duff transfer rumours will be resolved, one way or the other, by the time Blackburn come to Anfield on April 3rd? No? That's funny, because neither do I! And the Premiership computer has been really kind to us this season. April is a vital month in the football calendar, and we get two easy away trips in April. One to Highbury, and the other to the "theatre of dregs" (or something like that anyway!). That's a guaranteed six points if ever I saw it!
Think we'll have a Championship party on May 15th? Stranger things have happened you know! Now how's that song go again? Oh yes, "Oh, me lads, ya should have seen us gannin..." All of this could of course to be changed by Sky, to a date and time of our inconvenience!